The Colonoscopy

Another story from the "Life's an Adventure" files. Possibly an overshare, but I like to think that it gives a heads-up to the preparation required for this particular procedure. Call it a behind-the-scenes look because you know I just wanted to use the word, behind for a story involving a camera up the bottom.

The Colonoscopy

The older we get, the more medical professionals want to poke and prod in search of conditions we didn’t know existed. Probably a good thing as I admit to being in the group that write off physical issues or odd feelings as part of aging. I was predictably unimpressed when my GP sent me off for a colonoscopy.

Armed with pamphlets explaining the procedure in vivid detail, I resigned myself to what lay ahead. Thankfully, there were not too many pictures because there are some things best left unseen.

The upside of such a procedure is that there is no memory of the event. Most people wake up snug under a blanket, ever so grateful for the cup of tea and sandwich that follows.

Dare I mention the downside? The preceding days, which involve a bowel cleansing akin to pressure washing the barnacles off of a ship. It’s quite a process!

Dutifully following the rules on my information sheet, I ate a rather bland diet for a few days. Apparently this was not enough. Not by a long shot. For the surgeon to have a long, hard look at my insides, the bowel had to be squeaky clean. Trust me there were more than “squeaks” involved.

The day before the “look-see”, had me drinking a copious amount of specially mixed fluid, which, initially I thought tasted okay. That opinion changed somewhere before the first litre, but I knew that I had to ingest it all.

Needless to say there were more trips to the toilet than I cared to count. My stomach sounded like a washing machine as I headed down the hallway yet again. Somewhere around midnight, I managed to stay in bed without feeling like another record-breaking sprint to the bathroom.

At last, blissful sleep…not likely. The alarm was set for 4.15am so I could finish the last of my bowel-blasting drink before hubby drove me to hospital. He had the sense to refrain from polite conversation in the car. My sleep deprived, very hungry self is best left undisturbed.

Wrapped in a fashionable hospital gown, I was asked a stream of health related questions by various medical staff. If I’d known there’d be a quiz, I would have studied.

I am pleased to report that no problems arose. Nothing was found in the darkest depths of my lower region and I imagine it was the shiniest interior they’d seen all day.

Ah, life’s an adventure!
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